WristScan

NickO
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“Oh my God, you actually bought that?!”

Was my wife’s initial reaction. But I digress. I humbly submit for your viewing pleasure my positively whalian HD3 Idalgo XT-2 which measures in at a portly 62mm by 52mm. This is 3.2 times larger than a 36mm Calatrava, thus proving if there was ever a parallel universe where watches ate pies, this would be the watch that ate all the pies. The inspiration for this magnificent monstrosity was Wonder Woman’s cuff, a young childhood memory that was seared into 7-year-old Jorg Hysek’s mind following a chance encounter with Wonder Woman in Germany in 1960, right before the construction of the Berlin wall.

You will note that it has two dials and two straps because one dial and one strap would never be enough for a watch like this. Think of it this way: remember once upon a time there were very large floating hotels known as cruise ships? If you sat at the Captain’s table for formal night, you were served two lobster tails instead of one (betcha didn’t know that), so this piece is clearly the Captain’s table watch of watches.

While it’s big in stature, it’s actually lighter than expected at 242g because it’s made from Amazonium, a precious metal found only on the remote island of Themyscira. In order to keep its origins secret, they named the piece Idalgo, which is derived from the Spanish name Hidalgo, which is a 2004 film starring Viggo Mortensen who is best known for playing Aragorn in The Rings Trilogy, which I believe is a hint that the Elves of Rivendell cast the Sword of Elendil out of Amazonium, too. Makes sense to me.

Without a doubt, this is the most uncomfortable watch ever made. You’ve heard the expression “It fits like a glove!”? Now imagine if that glove was made by a blind monkey high on crack with complete disregard to any of your hand’s dimensions. That is how this watch feels on the wrist. But hey, it looks great (if you’re into cuffs) and we have to suffer for fashion, don’t we? According to the back, it is one of eleven, which is approximately ten more than they actually sold. I purchased mine in 2015, before recreational cannabis was legalized, making the buying decision even more quizzical. I wear the watch frequently, where frequently in this sentence is being used as a synonym for never. But, like an old pair of shoes, I’ve grown quite attached to it. HD3 is like the Leviathan Melvillei whale (I had to look that up) – long since extinct, but never forgotten. So here she is, my little Amazonian whale. 

Whale on, my good fellows!

NickO