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TimeOut

PuristSPro TimeOut forum Friday "OPEN MIKE NIGHT"!

 

Hello all!

Since we've had some great jokes posted recently and everyone here seems to have a good sense of humor, we're going to start a new weekly tradition to kick off the weekend!  The PuristSPro TimeOut forum on every Friday will be known as "OPEN MIKE NIGHT" and all jokes will be in this thread.  Anyone can start the post with the "PPro TimeOut OPEN MIKE NIGHT" title and post with a funny joke, picture, or story.

To start off, fellow PuristS 'Justpen' sent me some of his jokes and I liked this one:

Be faithful .... Or do not get caught.
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.  

He looked up and said weakly:      

'I have something I must confess.'  

'There's no need to, Darling....” his wife replied.

'No,' he  insisted,

'I want to die in peace.

I slept with your  sister, your best friend,     

her best  friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied,  

'Now just rest Darling...... and let the poison do the work.'

smile


So let's begin Friday with something to put a smile on our faces and share something funny!

-MW
 This message has been edited by DRMW on 2009-10-16 00:00:53 This message has been edited by DRMW on 2009-10-17 11:28:33

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19 Comments view entire thread 

A synopsis from a Roald Dahl short story...

 
By: patrick_y : October 16th, 2009-00:17
This story is originally written by Roald Dahl, but I've made a synopsis for our Open Mike Night event... A particular married woman has a tremendous fear of running late. She is always extremely prompt and has an intense phobia of being late. Because of ... 

I like this one better...

 
By: justpen : October 16th, 2009-05:30
How The Stimulus Package Works It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, the Royal, lays a $100 note... 

Maybe Mitch K will tell us his fabulous "Aristocrats" joke, but until then, here's . . .

 
By: Dr No : October 16th, 2009-10:11
. . . my favorite ditty from the men's room wall at UCLA, circa 1981: The Decline of Western Philosophy 18th century: Kant - "To be is to do." 19th century: Marx - "To do is to be." 20th century: Sinatra - "Do be do be do." Cordially, Art

They made a movie based on telling the 'Aristocrats' joke!

 
By: DRMW : October 16th, 2009-12:54
The 'Aristocrats' not to be confused with the 'Aristo-CATS' animated movie was hilarious! It's something everyone needs to see (over age 17 of course). Hmmm, so Mitch knows a good Aristocrats tale..... -MW

Well, now that I've checked out "The Aristocrats" on youtube . . .

 
By: Dr No : October 17th, 2009-11:31
. . . perhaps it would be best if Mitch didn't share it with us! Expurgated, Art

re: 'The Aristocrats'...

 
By: DRMW : October 17th, 2009-15:22
Some of the comedians that you would think would be really funny were not where other comedians were unexpectedly hilarious. IMO, a must see comedy! -MW

Woohoo!...

 
By: pplater : October 16th, 2009-16:41
A great source of wit and education, the men's room wall. This [name changed to protect the innocent] was to be found on the ceiling of a cubicle at the local university med school, circa summer of '77: [Written in elegant copperplate] - "Agnes is man's b... 

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

 
By: fernando : October 16th, 2009-20:18
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she push... 

PRICELESS WORDS

 
By: (*_*) : October 16th, 2009-21:52
A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He ... 

Three Kick Rule (Eye-Opener) LOL

 
By: (*_*) : October 17th, 2009-00:42
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra - Australia. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him... 

Hehe...

 
By: DRMW : October 17th, 2009-11:02
That was funny!!! Reminds me of a South Park with Eric Cartman's 'rochambeau' episode. Funny stuff! -MW

So there's these 3 guys...

 
By: chaser579 : October 17th, 2009-09:41
A New Yorker, a Cuban and a Texan are in a restaurant. The waitress comes up and says "Excuse me, but due to the shortage, there's no meat today." The Cuban replies "Ay, caramba, que es this thing called 'meat'?" The Texan says "Darlin', whut's a shortage...